(Friday funnies) Some signature lines you might enjoy...

[David Neeley <dbneeley -at- gmail -dot- com>]

Some classic, some obscure, many entertaining...I hope you enjoy them!

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How do I set my LaserPrinter to "Stun"?!
%
Relax. It's only zeroes and ones.
%
"There are only two industries that refer to their customers as
'users'." -- Edward Tufte
%
Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
%
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together... -- Carl Zwanzig
%
Do not meddle in the affairs of kitties, for they are subtle and will
piss in your keyboard. -- Peter H. Coffin
%
There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.
%
Imagine a stegosaurus wearing rocket powered roller skates, & you'll
get a fair idea of <app>'s elegance, stability & ease of crash
recovery. -- Lionel Lauer
%
I feel like a genocidal maniac when emacs asks me if I want to kill
10789 characters.
%
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
%
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
%
My computer NEVER cras
%
AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous.
%
Justify my text? I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
%
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be
the process of putting them in. -- Dykstra
%
Computers save time like kudzu prevents soil erosion.
%
In German "invent-a-new-word-where-a-perfectly-good-one-already-exists"
is probably a word. -- Peter da Silva
%
We aim to please. Ourselves, mostly, but we do aim to please. -- A. DeBoer
%
To rephrase, spam is not the answer. Spam is the question.death is not
the answer, but pretty close to it. -- Vadik
%
On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray,
Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. -- Charles
Babbage
%
Anyway the :// part is an 'emoticon' representing a man with a strip
of sticky tape across his mouth. -- R. Douglas
%
"Be pedantic in what you accept, and arbitrarily brutal in what you
send" -- Malcolm Ray
%
"Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print
taketh away." -- fortune file
%
"Oh, Bother," said the Borg. "We've assimilated Pooh."
%
A train station is where trains stop. A bus station is where busses
stop. A Work Station is where...
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Kind of like my 404K fund, "wealth not found." -- shrox
%
"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work." -- Gallagher
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To err is human, to moo bovine. -- BSD fortune file
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It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It
isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. --
Oxford Uni Press
%
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a
blunt ax. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes
instead.-- Dijkstra
%
So what if I have a fertile brain? Fertilizer happens. -- Larry Wall
%
Ah the joys of festival + Gutenburg project. I can now have Moby Dick
read to me by Stephen Hawking. -- Halfjack
%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%
Don't drop dead. Do, please, drop seriously, painfully, disablingly,
repulsively, incurably, but _not_ fatally ill. -- Mike Andrews
%
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's
too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
%
The Internet is totally out of control, impossible to map accurately,
and being used far beyond its original intentions. So far, so good. --
Dr. Dobb's Journal May 1993
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Yes, but they forgot to put in the essential checkbox: I am not a
brain-damaged lemur on crack. -- Mark Hughes
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You should never anthropomorphize computers; they hate that. -- Skud
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There are only 10 kinds of people in the world --
Those who understand binary, and those who don't." -- ?
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RFC1925: "With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is
not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are
going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they
fly overhead."
%
I think that I shall never see -- A structure ugly as a tree. From
leaf to leaf I wish to leap -- From branch to root to branch I creep.
-- Ode To Menu Systems, Richard A. Fowell
%
superglue works better on cats than paste. it sets much faster which
is important when you are gluing a cat. -- John W. Krahn about
'cat-and-paste'
%
The terrorists have won. They have successfully convinced America to
attack itself. -- Steve Kirsch
%
In German, a young lady has no sex, while a turnip has. Think what
overwrought reverence that shows for the turnip, and what callous
disrespect for the girl. -- Mark Twain
%
<malaclypse>The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be
"Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"
%
"I've tried to convince many vegetarian friends that chicken are just
fast-moving vegetables." -- Simon Cozens
%
Now that we have all this useful information, it would be nice to be
able to do something with it. (Actually, it can be emotionally
fulfilling just to get information. This is usually only true,
however, if you have the social life of a kumquat.) -- UNIX
Programmer's Manual
%
Although the Buddhists will tell you that desire is the root of
suffering, my personal experience leads me to point the finger at
system administration. -- Philip Greenspun
%
The social dynamics of the net are a direct consequence of the fact
that nobody has yet developed a Remote Strangulation Protocol. --
Larry Wall
%
Ah, a Uniform Type Identifier, not a Urinary Tract Infection. Though,
reading further in this document I found, I'm not sure there's too
much of a difference. -- Jed Davis
%
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Alan Perlis
%
MASER, n.: Mail Amplification by Stimulation of Emitted Rejections --
Steve VanDevender, Patrick Wade
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The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking
state to the working state. -- John Ousterhout
%
Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand
what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
-- Putt's Law
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"First let me say that this is a very difficult document to write
without sounding pejorative." -- an unnamed network consultant's
report
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I keep six honest serving-men - (They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When - And How and Where and Who
-- Kipling
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"The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its
continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the
computer hardware industry." -- Henry Petroski
%
ISO Water Torture: ...ploughing through all sorts of ISO, ANSI, ITU,
and IETF standards and other working documents, some of which are best
understood when held upside-down in front of a mirror. -- Peter
Gutmann
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I halve a spelling chequer - It came with my pea sea - It plane lee
marques four my revue - Miss steaks aye ken knot sea -- J.S. Tenn,
Owed to a Spell Chequer
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Free Software Documentation Project Web Cast: Covers developing Table of
Contents, Context IDs, and Index, as well as Doc-To-Help  
2009 tips, tricks, and best practices.
http://www.doctohelp.com/SuperPages/Webcasts/

Help & Manual 5: The complete help authoring tool for individual
authors and teams. Professional power, intuitive interface. Write
once, publish to 8 formats. Multi-user authoring and version control! http://www.helpandmanual.com/

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