Re: (Friday funnies) Some signature lines you might enjoy...

[Chris Morton <salt -dot- morton -at- gmail -dot- com>]

Thanks!

On Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 1:15 AM, David Neeley <dbneeley -at- gmail -dot- com> wrote:

> Some classic, some obscure, many entertaining...I hope you enjoy them!
>
> %
> How do I set my LaserPrinter to "Stun"?!
> %
> Relax. It's only zeroes and ones.
> %
> "There are only two industries that refer to their customers as
> 'users'." -- Edward Tufte
> %
> Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
> be good because the programmers hate it so much.
> %
> Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
> it holds the universe together... -- Carl Zwanzig
> %
> Do not meddle in the affairs of kitties, for they are subtle and will
> piss in your keyboard. -- Peter H. Coffin
> %
> There are two rules for success in life:
> Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.
> %
> Imagine a stegosaurus wearing rocket powered roller skates, & you'll
> get a fair idea of <app>'s elegance, stability & ease of crash
> recovery. -- Lionel Lauer
> %
> I feel like a genocidal maniac when emacs asks me if I want to kill
> 10789 characters.
> %
> Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
> %
> f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
> %
> My computer NEVER cras
> %
> AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous.
> %
> Justify my text? I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
> %
> If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be
> the process of putting them in. -- Dykstra
> %
> Computers save time like kudzu prevents soil erosion.
> %
> In German "invent-a-new-word-where-a-perfectly-good-one-already-exists"
> is probably a word. -- Peter da Silva
> %
> We aim to please. Ourselves, mostly, but we do aim to please. -- A. DeBoer
> %
> To rephrase, spam is not the answer. Spam is the question.death is not
> the answer, but pretty close to it. -- Vadik
> %
> On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray,
> Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
> answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
> confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. -- Charles
> Babbage
> %
> Anyway the :// part is an 'emoticon' representing a man with a strip
> of sticky tape across his mouth. -- R. Douglas
> %
> "Be pedantic in what you accept, and arbitrarily brutal in what you
> send" -- Malcolm Ray
> %
> "Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print
> taketh away." -- fortune file
> %
> "Oh, Bother," said the Borg. "We've assimilated Pooh."
> %
> A train station is where trains stop. A bus station is where busses
> stop. A Work Station is where...
> %
> Kind of like my 404K fund, "wealth not found." -- shrox
> %
> "I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
> There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work." -- Gallagher
> %
> To err is human, to moo bovine. -- BSD fortune file
> %
> It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
> is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It
> isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. --
> Oxford Uni Press
> %
> About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a
> blunt ax. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes
> instead.-- Dijkstra
> %
> So what if I have a fertile brain? Fertilizer happens. -- Larry Wall
> %
> Ah the joys of festival + Gutenburg project. I can now have Moby Dick
> read to me by Stephen Hawking. -- Halfjack
> %
> All that glitters has a high refractive index.
> %
> Don't drop dead. Do, please, drop seriously, painfully, disablingly,
> repulsively, incurably, but _not_ fatally ill. -- Mike Andrews
> %
> Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's
> too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
> %
> The Internet is totally out of control, impossible to map accurately,
> and being used far beyond its original intentions. So far, so good. --
> Dr. Dobb's Journal May 1993
> %
> Yes, but they forgot to put in the essential checkbox: I am not a
> brain-damaged lemur on crack. -- Mark Hughes
> %
> You should never anthropomorphize computers; they hate that. -- Skud
> %
> There are only 10 kinds of people in the world --
> Those who understand binary, and those who don't." -- ?
> %
> RFC1925: "With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is
> not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are
> going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they
> fly overhead."
> %
> I think that I shall never see -- A structure ugly as a tree. From
> leaf to leaf I wish to leap -- From branch to root to branch I creep.
> -- Ode To Menu Systems, Richard A. Fowell
> %
> superglue works better on cats than paste. it sets much faster which
> is important when you are gluing a cat. -- John W. Krahn about
> 'cat-and-paste'
> %
> The terrorists have won. They have successfully convinced America to
> attack itself. -- Steve Kirsch
> %
> In German, a young lady has no sex, while a turnip has. Think what
> overwrought reverence that shows for the turnip, and what callous
> disrespect for the girl. -- Mark Twain
> %
> <malaclypse>The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be
> "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"
> %
> "I've tried to convince many vegetarian friends that chicken are just
> fast-moving vegetables." -- Simon Cozens
> %
> Now that we have all this useful information, it would be nice to be
> able to do something with it. (Actually, it can be emotionally
> fulfilling just to get information. This is usually only true,
> however, if you have the social life of a kumquat.) -- UNIX
> Programmer's Manual
> %
> Although the Buddhists will tell you that desire is the root of
> suffering, my personal experience leads me to point the finger at
> system administration. -- Philip Greenspun
> %
> The social dynamics of the net are a direct consequence of the fact
> that nobody has yet developed a Remote Strangulation Protocol. --
> Larry Wall
> %
> Ah, a Uniform Type Identifier, not a Urinary Tract Infection. Though,
> reading further in this document I found, I'm not sure there's too
> much of a difference. -- Jed Davis
> %
> Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Alan Perlis
> %
> MASER, n.: Mail Amplification by Stimulation of Emitted Rejections --
> Steve VanDevender, Patrick Wade
> %
> The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking
> state to the working state. -- John Ousterhout
> %
> Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand
> what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
> -- Putt's Law
> %
> "First let me say that this is a very difficult document to write
> without sounding pejorative." -- an unnamed network consultant's
> report
> %
> I keep six honest serving-men - (They taught me all I knew);
> Their names are What and Why and When - And How and Where and Who
> -- Kipling
> %
> "The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its
> continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the
> computer hardware industry." -- Henry Petroski
> %
> ISO Water Torture: ...ploughing through all sorts of ISO, ANSI, ITU,
> and IETF standards and other working documents, some of which are best
> understood when held upside-down in front of a mirror. -- Peter
> Gutmann
> %
> I halve a spelling chequer - It came with my pea sea - It plane lee
> marques four my revue - Miss steaks aye ken knot sea -- J.S. Tenn,
> Owed to a Spell Chequer
> %
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> Free Software Documentation Project Web Cast: Covers developing Table of
> Contents, Context IDs, and Index, as well as Doc-To-Help
> 2009 tips, tricks, and best practices.
> http://www.doctohelp.com/SuperPages/Webcasts/
>
> Help & Manual 5: The complete help authoring tool for individual
> authors and teams. Professional power, intuitive interface. Write
> once, publish to 8 formats. Multi-user authoring and version control!
> http://www.helpandmanual.com/
>
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Free Software Documentation Project Web Cast: Covers developing Table of
Contents, Context IDs, and Index, as well as Doc-To-Help  
2009 tips, tricks, and best practices.
http://www.doctohelp.com/SuperPages/Webcasts/

Help & Manual 5: The complete help authoring tool for individual
authors and teams. Professional power, intuitive interface. Write
once, publish to 8 formats. Multi-user authoring and version control! http://www.helpandmanual.com/

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