More humour & merry Xmas

Subject: More humour & merry Xmas
From: Damien Braniff <Damien_Braniff -at- PAC -dot- CO -dot- UK>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 1997 13:56:26 +0000

There is a definite need for tech writers to to clarify and simplify
complex information for the "everyday bod in the street". The following is
an account of research done by a freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High. His
aim was to show how conditioned we've become to accepting a lot of what we
read as true (in this case "junk science"). In his project he urged people
to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the
chemical "dihydrogen monoxide" giving the following reasons:

it can cause excessive sweating and
it is a major component in acid rain;
it can cause severe burns in its gaseous
accidental inhalation can kill
it contributes to
it decreases effectiveness of automobile
it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three
said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was
Following the recent thread re the merits of "young and cocky" versus "old
and experienced I wonder does the following have anything to do with any
differences? :- )

An Analytical View On The Strengths Of Consuming Beer

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo,and when the
herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are
killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole keeps improving by the
regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know,kills off
brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates
the causal link between all-weekend parties and engineering performance. It
also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and
getting married, most engineers cannot keep up with
the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the
strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the
intellectual levels that they achieved during their university years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological
edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff
that beer! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you
shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.

Be all that you can be.

And finally, merry Xmas and a happy new year to you all. I look forward to
more enlightening and challenging debate in the coming year. Thanks to all
who've contributed (I've learned quite a bit) and especially Eric who keeps
us all more or less in order!

We don't finish until the 24th but we're already winding down and gone
into "tidy-up" mode. Alas the clear desk never lasts long!

Damien Braniff
Technical Author
PAC International, or

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