WAY OFF TOPIC: Premadonna Day

[Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- YAHOO -dot- COM>]

Today was Premadonna Day at my company.  I am still in tears thinking about
the
collection of smug jerks we talked with today.  I have no idea why I am
telling
TECHWR-L this other than it is more interesting than a debate about bullets
in
Word.

The day started off easy enough.  Checks showed up, our servers were
working,
clients seemed happy.  Life was good. I even managed to bounce some hacker
scum
off one of our client's mail servers with a delightful little reverse DNS
lookup. It was looking like their was justice in the world for a few
moments.

Then I began interviewing for tech writers and web developers. Wow!  The
loony
bin opened up this weekend and let the nuts out.  Thankfully none of the
nuts
came from this list so it is safe to rant here (I hope). If I stop posting
for
a while somebody call my Mom and Dad in Phoenix to pick up my corpse.

The first was a real doozy.  This guy would not work on-site.  Apparently,
his
5 years of experience won him the "Comfy Chair Exclusionary Contract."  In
his
words "I am been doing this for too long to have to work in a cubicle."
Okay -
stay at home and make $4.00 an hour folding washcloths.

The second was equally entertaining.  This writer managed to score $85.00 an
hour from her last client - so naturally she thinks EVERYONE should pay her
$85.00 an hour (remember this is Portland, OR, wages are lower here than
elsewhere).  This person actually became irate with me when I told her that
our
client could not pay that much.  I her words "Well, that is simply what my
skills are worth and you would do good to learn about tech writing Mr.
Plato."
I didn't have the heart to tell her what I did before I became a premadonna
sheep dog. I figure she'll fry out all the local companies in a few months
and
be back looking for something more reasonable. Heck, our pre-margin billing
rate is never $85.00 an hour! If it was I'd drop my company and go back to
independent consulting.

The third twerp of the day came in the form of a web-designer.  Apparently
this
guy learned ASP recently and now thinks he is worth $90.00 an hour.  I told
him
that we did not have a position that fit his skill set and rate.  He said
"then
why are you advertising for a web developer."  I responded "well, we have a
position but it does not pay $90.00 hour, it is more like $40 an hour."  His
response, "well, that is just a rip-off.  You people clearly don't
understand
this business because people like me bill for $90.00 an hour."  I responded,
"I
am sorry but that is our rate and we have many other candidates who are
willing
to work for that rate."  His response, "You don't want those people.  They
can't do the job.  Otherwise they would realize that they should get $90.00
an
hour for their skills."

Oh brother.

The last jerk of the day did not show up for his scheduled interview.  He
called 2 hours after the scheduled time and said "Sorry, I had some work to
finish up, but I am free now can we meet."  When I told him we were not
interested in interviewing him any longer he actually asked "why?"  I was a
little stunned for a moment.  I said "we don't hire people who fail to show
up
for interviews."  "I told you I was busy." He responded.  "Sir you called 2
hours after your interview.  You wasted our time and that is totally
unacceptable for someone who is a professional," I responded. "Yeah, well
f*ck
you.  I am an experienced technical writer and I won't..."  I hung up on him
at
that point.

Here's a wee hint for all you new to technical writing - don't tell the
person
interviewing you to "f*ck off"  It is not a good career move.

I find premaddonas fascinating.  They are so convinced of their superior
knowledge that they are their own worst enemy.  My favorite to this day is
the
infamous Pinhead Boy.  This consultant who I worked with at Microsoft who
claimed himself to be "one of the foremost database designers in the world."
and who did not understand the concept of NORMAL FORM.  Sheesh. We started
calling him Pinhead Boy because he had a really narrow head.

I don't know what to say.  The instant I think I have all the answers I am
the
biggest moron in the universe. I guess some people just were not given that
upgrade in their youth.

However, I must admit finding perverse pleasure watching self-absorbed
writers
self-destruct.  Slowly their smug attitude implodes and their career goes
into
a death spiral.  Like matter blasting out x-rays as it spirals into a black
hole, premadonnas usually yelp about how Microsoft and his/her manager
ruined
their life.

Sigh.

Okay. Back to the salt lick.

Andrew Plato
Premadonna Sheep Dog
Anitian Consulting, Inc.

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