Re: ugly job incident

[marilyn O'Leary <moleary -at- LSU -dot- EDU>]

ugly job incident


All of the advice to get severance pay and a clean record are good. They
give you something to think about.  But, no one, so far, has addressed
the internal signals that are lessons for the future. Think about these
too.

1. Appointment of a manager from outside was a signal.  It showed that
your firm did not think you were the right person for the management
position.  The conflict with that person hired to be your superior was
based first upon your disappointment and hurt feelings.  This set up an
uncomfortable situation that put you on the defensive.  This person's
ideas may be signs of incompetence ?but how do you know? Your
objectivity was affected right from the beginning.  Lesson for the
future: Try to be objective about a new manager.  Begin to look for
another job as soon as you realize that you cannot accept that person
and respect her ideas and direction.  To your credit: You did ask to be
assigned to a different manager.  That shows good sense.  No one can do
a good job with a manager he or she doesn't respect.  You needed a
better reason than personality conflict for reassignment.

2. The company did not assign you to another manager.  This is a signal
that someone thinks you should support this manager.  Whether she is
competent or not is not your call.  Accept her as your superior.  By
letting everyone know you didn't accept her, you made her work harder to
prive your incompetence or her worth.  Lesson for the future:  Try to
look at things in other ways -- out of the box -- to see which of your
ideas or styles could complement or fit in with the manager's methods or
ideas.  Try to find parts of the project you can do independently
without compromising your own standards.  Meanhwhile suggest new ideas
to other managers when appropriate so that someone else may ask to have
you work for him or her.  I did this and eventually was assigned to
another manager.  It was a relief.

2. The fact that no one supported you formally with management when the
conflict hit is a signal.  People listened to your concerns privately,
and expressed support for you and your actions to you but did nothing.
Often people will support you privately because they like you, because
they are polite, because they don't want to make waves... but they might
not see the situation the same way you do.  In fact, this time they
helped to circulate information that you had deleted notes and files.
This might be a circumstance where everyone wants to be on the winning
side and right now, you are the loser.  It might be a circumstance where
everyone shares your opinion but they don't want to lose their jobs so
they will not say a word.  Either way, you lose.  Lesson for the
future:  Don't assume that a sympathetic ear is a supportive ear.  Don't
discuss your concerns about a manager with others or tell them about
actions you've taken to protect yourself.  Tell  your wife or a
colleague outside the company if you must talk to someone.  Rumors and
gossip with fellow workers will always come back to haunt you because
you don't know everyone's thoughts and motives.  When you get scared and
angry, get a cup of coffee or take a break and go outdoors. Talk to the
air.

I am sorry this happened to you, but you can learn from it. I believe in
you.  Good luck.  Marilyn

--
Marilyn Barrett O'Leary
Louisiana Sea Grant College Program
Louisiana State University
Baton Rouge, LA 70803-7507
(225)388-6349 (note new area code)
moleary -at- lsu -dot- edu

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