Re: Not Wanted--Technical Writers

Subject: Re: Not Wanted--Technical Writers
From: "Pritchard,Laurie N" <Laurie_Pritchard -at- MC -dot- XEROX -dot- COM>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 1997 07:35:19 PST

Article citing rewrite of technical material:


/ How to log on at a product call center
/ BEFORE: Before a call arrives, a call center agent must be logged on and
/ available to receive that call. In addition, a supervisor responsible
/ for that agent's performance is typically logged on. When the supervisor
/ and the agent sign on, their devices (telephones or PCs) establish a X.25
/ virtual circuit to the Call Distribution System. This connection will be
/ in place for the duration of the time the agent/supervisor is logged on.
/ When the agent logs on, a data connection to the corporate host database
/ may also be established.
/ AFTER: A call center's supervisor and agent log on to the Call Distribution
/ System, establishing a connection that can last throughout the workday.


I found problems with both the "before" and "after" examples cited.

-- The content is labeled "How to log on at a product call center,"
but in both examples, the writing
is descriptive, not procedural.

-- I wasn't clear on who the audience is -- both the supervisor and the
agent? Anyone else?

-- Although the "before" example may be confusing and overloaded with
technical details, the "after" example
does not necessarily resolve these problems. The phrase "connection
that can last throughout
the workday" raises more questions than it answers for me. What does
"can last" mean? And what
does "workday" mean? The agent's typical work shift? Until the agent
logs off?

An effective rewrite, to me, would include a concise overview paragraph
focusing on
the work process, followed by step-by-step instructions for logging on
to the call center.
These instructions should clarify any differences in the login
procedure for the
agent and the supervisor.

Laurie Pritchard
Laurie_Pritchard -at- mc -dot- xerox -dot- com

Opinions expressed are strictly my own., or

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