A Tired Old TV Series

Subject: A Tired Old TV Series
From: Michael LaTorra <mikel -at- ACCUGRAPH -dot- COM>
Date: Mon, 15 May 1995 16:36:22 MDT

Music: Dum-dedumdum ... Dum-dedumdumdummmm.:
Voice over: The story yer about to see is true, but it ain't new.
The names have been changed not to shame or to blame those near
and dear who run in high gear. These are the stories of language flops.

Me's a Writer, a wannabe Writer. Me partner 'n me, Ed Editor, work these
mean streets (or is that median streets?) along Publishers Row. Our job?
Take the life out of language by removing its sinew and bone -- grammar.
We make sure that no restricting standards get in the way of stories
and headlines. We protect those like me--(such as me? such as I?
Hell with it.). Who cares about correct grammar more than anything else?

"It's a stupid job, but we like to do it. Our goal is to make sure that
ya' always have to re-read a sentence to get even the vaguest notion about
what it means. Putting mystery into language is what we love to do.
Clarity is the enemy of good writing, that's our motto. Ed and me wanna go
beyond communication. We wanna deconstruct language so no one is really
sure what it means. Lemme tell ya' if ya' think prose of clarity and grace
is fun, ya' don't know what real fun is. Try writin' non-fiction with
multiple levels of meaning, and then test the reader on it. Like, have ya'
ever seen somebody try to install an operating system using a manual written
in free verse with allusions to Sanskrit poetry? What a gas! It really
makes `em stop and wonder about why the writer did that. (Just make
sure they don't know where ya' live.)

Ya' let that happen and then people will start to make connections between
what they're reading and something they read before. Before ya' know it,
they're buying someone else's software or newsmagazine or whatever. What a
mess that would be. The next thing ya' know they'd start thinkin'.
They'd start voting Republican. Can't have that."

"On Friday May 12th (because Friday the 13th falls on a Saturday this month),
me partner 'n me are doin' writin' that'll make ya' sic [sic]."

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