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Sounds more like "legalese," to me, where terms like "shall" and "must"
are always repeated because leaving them out opens the document to
unintended interpretations (I've never seen "should" as such a repeated
term because it relates more of a recommendation than a requirement,
and as such probably has no legal strength). I would say it reads as
awkward English, whether it is "bad" English or not depends whether
it is more or less easily misunderstood than not repeating the verb.
If you opt for the second version (not repeating), I think I would remove
the comma.
Gene Kim-Eng
----- Original Message -----
From: "Nancy Allison" <maker -at- verizon -dot- net>
To: <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com>
Sent: Tuesday, April 22, 2008 8:12 AM
Subject: Repeat the verb?
> Please note: a bulleted list is not permissible in this document. It's not the
> style. And, because the document is describing complex regulatory requirements
> and relationships, sentences tend to be dense and full. I rewrite the worst,
> and I consider this sentence to be borderline, but I'm going to leave it as
> is. There's too much else to do on the doc in the time I have.
>
> Having provided that context, I ask you this: if you had to incorporate the
> following sentence as is (and not break it into two sentences, or a bulleted
> list, or anything else that a reasonably talented tech writer would
> immediately do), which version would you use? And, please tell me if you would
> add or remove any punctuation:
>
> ---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and modification of
> all elements, and should combine these elements in a manner that most
> effectively enables it to quantify its exposure to operational risk.
>
> ---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and modification of
> all elements, and combine these elements in a manner that most effectively
> enables it to quantify its exposure to operational risk.
>
> I always want to repeat the modal auxiliary; it seems too hard to wade through
> the first long noun phrase and instantly remember that auxiliary when you hit
> the second base verb form. However, I have been informed that this type of
> repetition is "bad English."
>
> Whaddya say?
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