Re: Long sentences
I'm working on a document that has a very good Introduction -- except for one thing that I can't quite decide about. Some of the sentences are awfully long. Would you break up or reorganize these sentences? (I'm changing the topic in these examples):
The Sunshine program spans all areas of personal homebuilding efforts -- permit authorization through post-construction inspection and reporting -- ensuring comprehensive, documented compliance for any builder to all local and state regulations.
Or
The Sunshine program delivers several immediate benefits, including improved verification of a builder's construction practices, reduced paperwork, streamlined communications, and comprehensive review and alerts to avoid State-imposed fines.
To me, these sentences, though ambitious, flow pretty well. (I'm sorry if my substitutions are sufficiently odd to be distracting in themselves.) In the first example, I'd change "compliance to" to "compliance with" but otherwise I don't see any problem with the English.
The document in question is for an American industry that conducts business in English, and it is very unlikely to be translated. So, the somewhat dense construction will not be an impediment to translators.
Finally, this is an introductory section, and it would not be appropriate to break everything into bulleted lists. Prose really is preferable here.
Your thoughts?
Even a bulleted list would improve readability. Consider breaking up a long sentence like since it is a list. IT would make the sentence shorter, and pull out the individual elements you are highlighting.
Scott
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Create HTML or Microsoft Word content and convert to Help file formats or printed documentation. Features include single source authoring, team authoring,
Web-based technology, and PDF output. http://www.DocToHelp.com/TechwrlList
Now shipping: Help & Manual 4 with RoboHelp(r) import! New editor,
full Unicode support. Create help files, web-based help and PDF in up
to 106 languages with Help & Manual: http://www.helpandmanual.com
---
You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as archive -at- infoinfocus -dot- com -dot-
To unsubscribe send a blank email to techwr-l-unsubscribe -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
or visit http://lists.techwr-l.com/mailman/options/techwr-l/archive%40infoinfocus.com
To subscribe, send a blank email to techwr-l-join -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
http://www.techwr-l.com/techwhirl/ for more resources and info.
References:
Long sentences: From: Nancy Allison
Previous by Author:
Video vs The Written Word
Next by Author:
Re: "y" of "Page x of y" is incorrect
Previous by Thread:
RE: Long sentences
Next by Thread:
Re: Long sentences
Search our Technical Writing Archives & Magazine
Visit TechWhirl's Other Sites
Sponsored Ads