RE: Long sentences

["Dori Green" <dgreen -at- associatedbrands -dot- com>]

Nancy Allison wrote:

The Sunshine program delivers several immediate benefits, including improved
verification of a builder's construction practices, reduced paperwork,
streamlined communications, and comprehensive review and alerts to avoid
State-imposed fines.

*********************

The Sunshine program delivers several immediate benefits, including:

    o improved verification of a builder's construction practices

    o reduced paperwork

    o streamlined communications

    o comprehensive review

    o alerts to avoid State-imposed fines

I want the reader to see those benefits clearly -- and individually.  Mushed
into text form, he might miss the one that makes him say "oh, I might want
that!"

Even if the alerts are supposed to be mushed with the review, I'd break them
out for that reason.

Just another 2c,

Dori Green

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