Re: Some of us are victims and some aren't (was Re: Tech writers, comments about.)

["Richard G. Combs" <richard -dot- combs -at- voyanttech -dot- com>]

Once again, Dick Margulis has written a post that ought to be framed and
hung on cube walls throughout the land. I especially liked:

> when I am in a situation like that I FOCUS ON THE WORK NOT THE
> RELATIONSHIPS (yes, I'm shouting). I am the only person who has to
> appreciate the quality of my work. If my boss appreciates it, too,
> that's a plus. But if I'm casting pearls before swine, I concentrate on
> making the best pearls I can and I don't worry about the swine.

I'd like to relate this thought to my comments (in the parent thread) about
one person being responsible for the feelings of another. I focused there on
the fact that it may be unfair to the person being held responsible --
offense can be taken where none was given.

But Dick raises an even more crucial point. Making _other_ people
responsible for how _you_ feel is terribly unfair to *yourself*.

Yes, the world contains unpleasant work environments, difficult co-workers,
unappreciative associates, intolerable bosses, rude list members, etc., etc.
It's doubtful that anyone makes it through life without encountering and
having to cope with one or more of these one or more times -- no one's that
lucky.

But they don't  define who you are and how you feel -- unless you let them.
You don't have to let the attitudes and opinions of others determine your
self-worth. Sure, we all feel good when praised and bad when criticized (or
ignored) -- that's only natural. But once the initial good or bad feeling
subsides, doesn't it make sense to put that praise or criticism into the
context of what we know about ourselves? If I'm praised for something, and I
know it's undeserved because I could have done much better, I discount that
praise accordingly. Likewise, if I'm criticized in a way that I'm confident
I didn't deserve, I discount that criticism.

To the extent that you're "other-directed," letting those around you
determine how you feel about yourself, you're denying yourself the ability
to control your own life and happiness. To me, that seems a terrible shame.
What's the point of being a human being, able to choose your own values and
goals, if you do that? :-)

Richard


------
Richard G. Combs
Senior Technical Writer
Voyant, a division of Polycom, Inc.
richardDOTcombs AT polycomDOTcom
richardDOTcombs AT voyanttechDOTcom
303-223-5111
------
rgcombs AT freeDASHmarketDOTnet
303-777-0436
------









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