Official Language of the European Union

[Bryman -dot- Mitchell -at- epamail -dot- epa -dot- gov]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German
which was the other possibility.
        As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded
that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year
phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

        In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly,
this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in
favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan
have
one less letter.

        There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like
fotograf 20% shorter.

        In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes
of
the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

        By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

        During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten
styl.
        Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it
ezi
tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

        If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.