Re: Examples of bad technical writing

["Peter Ring, PRC" <prc -at- ISA -dot- DKNET -dot- DK>]

A number of people has asked for examples of bad techwriting. I'm
collecting such examples for teaching purposes, and here is a good
one:

Some days ago I was translating a manual for an oil burner from
German + English into Danish, and there I found a "beautiful"
example. The readers are skilled plumbers. # of lines are as the text
appears in the final documents. LIX is a readability index, the
higher the more difficult to read. Tabloid newspapers are LIX 25-30,
serious newspapers are LIX 35-45. LIX = (words/full stop)+(% words
with 7+ letters).

Please notice how the original takes the first needed information
last and the last information first.

Here is the English version of the original text:
-------------------------------------------------

NOZZLE ASSEMBLY <in bold>
At this stage of installation the burner is still disassembled from
the blast tube; it is therefore possible to fit two nozzles with the
box spanner (1), after having removed the plastic plugs (2), fitting
the spanner through the central hole in the flame stability disk. Do
not use any sealing products such as gaskets, sealing compound, or
tape. Be careful to avoid damaging the nozzle sealing seat. The
nozzles must be screwed into place tightly but not to the maximum
torque value provided by the wrench.

The nozzle for the 1st stage of operation is the one lying beneath the
firing electrodes.

(15 lines, 105 words, 510 characters, 30 long words, 7 sentences,
LIX = 105/7+30/105*100 = 15.0+28.6 = 43.6.)


Fortunately, my client allows me to rewrite the text completely if
suitable. My version (translated back from my Danish version):
------------------------------------------------------------------

Nozzle assembly <in bold>
The stage 1 nozzle is placed below the spark gap.
Avoid damaging the nozzle sealing seat.
Do not use any sealing gaskets, compound, or tape.

As the burner is not yet mounted on the blast tube:
1. Remove the plastic plugs (2).
2. Fit the two nozzles through the central hole in the flame stability
   disk using the box spanner (1).
3. Screw the nozzles into place tightly but not to the wrench's
   maximum torque.

(14 lines, 77 words, 342 characters, 17 long words. 9 sentences.
LIX = 77/9+17/77*100 = 8.6 + 22.0 = 30.6.)


Greetings from Denmark

Peter Ring
PRC (Peter Ring Consultants)
- specialists in user friendly manuals and audits on manuals.
prc -at- isa -dot- dknet -dot- dk
http://isa.dknet.dk/~prc/index.html
- the "User Friendly Manuals" website with links, bibliography, list
  of prof. associations, and tips for technical writers.

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