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Subject:Do You Know European? <HUMOR> From:LaVonna Funkhouser <lffunkhouser -at- HALNET -dot- COM> Date:Fri, 22 Mar 1996 15:53:18 -0600
This was sent to me without full attribution. I hope you enjoy
this Friday afternoon humor.
--LaVonna lffunkhouser -at- halnet -dot- com
> Do You Know European?
> =====================
> Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially
> the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a
> feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between
> Government departments.
> European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
> unnecessarily difficult. For example: cough, plough, here, hear, bow,
> bough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of
> changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would be administered by a
> committee of top level staff chosen by the participating nations.
> In the first year, for example, the committee might suggest using "s"
> instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
> resieve this news with joy. The hard "c" could then be replased by "k"
> sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. This would not only klear up
> konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters and keyboards
> kould be made with one less letter, a signifikant savings.
> In the sekond year, bekause of growing enthusiasm, it will be announsed that
> the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f". This would make words
> like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter in print.
> In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
> reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments
> would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
> deterent to akurate speling.
> We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is
> disgrasful. Therefor, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
> though nothing had hapend.
> By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be
> reseptiv to steps sush as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze funktion of
> "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is, after al, half a "w".
> Finaly, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from words kontaining "ou". Similar
> arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
> Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten
> stil. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrion
> vud fin it ezi tu understan esh ozer. Ze drems of ze E.U. vud finali kum
> tru.
