Re: [HUMOR] Why did the chicken cross the road?

[charles desaro <soacon -at- IOS -dot- COM>]

It was too far to walk around!

On Wed, 1 Mar 1995, Joyce Flaherty wrote:

> Enjoy!

> Joyce Flaherty
> flahertj -at- liebert -dot- com

> ______________________________ Forward Header
 __________________________________


> Why did the chicken cross the road?


> > Plato: For the greater good.
> >
> > Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
> >
> > Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
> > chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
> > also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with
> > such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the princely
> > chicken's dominion maintained.
> >
> > Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
> >               pancreas.
> >
> > Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
> > within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is
> > equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because
> > structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
> >
> > Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find
> >                       out.
> >
> > Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
> >                let it take.
> >
> > Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
> >
> > Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
> >            also across you.
> >
> > B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
> > sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
> > would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of
> > its own free will.
> >
> > Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
> > that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
> > therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
> >
> > Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
> >                   chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
> >
> > Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
> > objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which
> > caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
> >
> > Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
> >                  the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
> >
> > Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
> >
> > Buddha: If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.
> >
> > Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
> > events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian
> > biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
> > relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
> >
> > Salvador Dali: The Fish.
> >
> > Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
> >
> > Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
> >
> > Epicurus: For fun.
> >
> > Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
> >
> > Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
> >
> > Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
> >
> > Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was
> >                    on, but it was moving very fast.
> >
> > David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
> >
> > Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored)
> >                  reason.
> >
> > Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
> >
> > The Sphinx: You tell me.
> >
> > Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
> >
> > Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
> >                      of life.
> >
> > Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
> >
> > Molly Yard: It was a hen!
> >
> >
> > Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
> >
> >