Re: Humor: Documentation & Tech Support

[Mean Green Dancing Machine <aahz -at- NETCOM -dot- COM>]

In article <9412191740 -dot- AA16640 -at- tolstoy -dot- sc -dot- ti -dot- com>,
Ellen Adams  <ellena -at- tolstoy -dot- sc -dot- ti -dot- com> wrote:

>Subject: Another Analogy
>(People don't buy cars like they by computers.)

>General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
>drive because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine
>if they did....

The above was reposted from rec.humor.funny.  About a week later, this
followup appeared:

Date: Sat, 8 Oct 94 12:20:01 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: If cars were *really* like computers
From: dmh -at- tss -dot- com (David Hull)
Keywords: topical, chuckle,original, computers
Approved: funny -at- clarinet -dot- com
Lines: 81

No, that was more like "If people expected cars to be like computers."
If cars were like computers:

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I can get in through the driver's side door just fine, but
           I can't open the passenger's side."
HelpLine: "How did you try to open the passenger's side?"
Customer: "I pulled up on the handle, just like on the other side."
HelpLine: "People are always making that mistake.  You have to push on
           the passenger's side.  Remember, you're always moving the
           handle toward the left of the car.  It's more consistent
           that way."

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I turn my windshield wipers on?"
HelpLine: "There's a little button on the radio console . . ."
Customer: "Radio console??"
HelpLine: "Yes, it's more efficient to have all the controls in one
           central position.  Look for the one with a shape like a
           piece of pie on it."
Customer: "And that's the windshield wiper button?  I was always
           wondering what that did."
HelpLine: "People are always asking that.  You'd think they'd be more
           familiar with the principles of graphic design."

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car will go forward, but when I put it in reverse,
           nothing happens."
HelpLine: "What model do you have?"
Customer: "It's a brand new 1994 Mongoose."
HelpLine: "Yes, but it is a 1994R with a big R or 1994r with a small r?"
Customer: "I don't know.  Let me find out and I'll call you back."
HelpLine: "Alright, but let me tell you you've probably got the small
           r model.  You'll need to upgrade to the big R version to go in
           reverse."

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I just called about the car that wouldn't go in reverse."
HelpLine: "Well, yes, we get a lot of calls about that."
Customer: "It turns out I have the small r model.  But I bought the
           one with the 'Reverse gear option'."
HelpLine: "Yes, that's the option to upgrade to a reverse gear."
Customer: "Why don't they all just come with a reverse gear in the
           first place?"
HelpLine: "Well, that's very difficult to do, even for our world-class
           engineers, and not everyone may want it.  Also, it makes
           the car more complicated to drive.  So we offer it as an
           option to our 'power drivers'."
Customer: "How come all the Jupiters have had it standard since 1974?"
HelpLine" "Ahem.  Well, yes, they're not a market leader, they're just
           for people who really like working on cars.  If you really
           want to get involved in those kind complicated details, go
           right ahead . . ."

But really, we're leaving out an important part:

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car just caught fire."
HelpLine: "I see.  And what model was it?"
Customer: "1994r Mongoose."
HelpLine: "Big or small . . ."
Customer: " . . . small r."
HelpLine: "And your registration number?"
Customer: "426917-woof-271828-arf-314159-spam."
HelpLine: "And where did you buy your car?"
Customer: "Fast Eddie's Sports-o-rama in Glendale."
HelpLine: "And what was the name of the salesman?"
Customer: "I don't remember."
HelpLine: "I see.  Are you sure you didn't steal this car?"
Customer: "Of course I didn't steal it!"
HelpLine: "And would you be interested in purchasing our extended
          service contract?"


--dmh

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