humor re: zen and the art of software documentation

[Matt Hicks <matt -at- UNIDATA -dot- UCAR -dot- EDU>]

My boss forwarded this to me today, and since I've never seen it on the
list (which is not to say it hasn't been here) I thought I would pass it
on to all of you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Matt Hicks, Tech. Writer, Unidata * I may not agree with what you
Boulder, CO, (303)497-8676, ******* say, but I'll defend to the
matt -at- unidata -dot- ucar -dot- edu ************* death my right to mock you.


ZEN AND THE ART OF SOFTWARE DOCUMENTATION

(Translated from the P'u-t'ung hua dialect by W.C.Carlson)

Editor's Note: The following are excerpts from the only known treatise on Zen
Software Documentation.  Called "H'ring-chu-tsu", which literally translates to
"Ink of Several Insignificant Matters", this treatise was written in 12th
century Japan by the scholarly monk E'm-ie-T'i.  That it discusses Software
documentation - predating the advent of software by some 850 years - is but
another of the mysteries of those who walk the true path.


On Preparing to Write of Software

To prepare for the writing of Software, the writer must first become one with
it, sometimes two.  Software is untasteable, opalescent, transparent; the user
sees not the software, so the writer must see through it.  Spend long, quiet
mornings in meditation. Do not sharpen the mind, but rather blunt it by doing
Zen crosswords.  (Ed. note:  Zen crosswords are done by consulting only the
"Down" clues; and always in the mind, never on paper.)

The mind should be rooted but flexible, as a long stemmed flower faces the
sun yet bends with the wind. Think not of compound adjectives because they tend
to wire the mind in two directions.  Rather, consider the snowflake, which
radiates in beauty in any and all directions. Partake of strong drink.

Do not study the Software; let it study you.  Allow the Software admission to
your mind, but keep it in the cheap seats.  Let it flow around you at its own
pace. Do not disturb or dismay it, but keep it from your private parts because
it tends to coalesce there.

When the Software is with you, you will know it. It will lead your mind where it
should be, and prepare you for the narcolepsy that is certain to follow. You
will know when the Software is with you, and so will others. You will smile with
an inner smile. Typewriters will frighten you. You will fall down a lot.


On Writing of Software

The first exercise in writing Software documentation is the Haiku. Haiku are 17
syllable poem forms in which many ideas of a single concept are reduced - nay,
distilled - into a short, impressionistic poem.  For example, the Haiku for
preparing to write of Software goes:

Emptiness on paper;
Fleeting thoughts.
Red Sox play at Fenway's
Green Park.

Write Haiku describing the particular Software that will eventually grace your
manual.  By concentrating on the Software's form and function in a concise,
subliminal, truly meaningless Haiku verse, you have transcended the Software,
and you can then write the true manual.

The following Haiku is from a Zen manual on data transmission:

How swiftly whirls the disk;
Data leaps to the floating head
And is known.

And this on the art of hardware maintenance:

The smell of hot P.C. card,
Blank screen, no bell,
New parts will be needed .

And another Haiku, this one on debugging:

All the lights are frozen;
The cursor blinks blandly.
Soon, I shall see the dump.

Let the Haiku thoughts free your mind from your fingers.  Your fingers will
write what must be written. Soon you will be in Doc. Prep.


On the Review Cycle

This is the murkiest path.  Storms gather and disperse around you in many
directions, none of which are in English.  The path becomes unclear as many
ideas compete for attention. Some of them are fatal.

But the writer of Zen Software documentation fears not the turbulence of review
cycles. Let it storm around you and be dry, warm, and safe in the knowledge that
you have written the pure manual. Anyway, you know the printer. You shall, in
the end, have it your way.