RE: Grammar (again!)

[kathleen -at- writefortheuser -dot- com]

Hi Deborah,

For clarity, #1 is best. That way, there's no doubt that it's the
technology that's being developed rather than the license. I suppose if
one were completely in the know, it wouldn't make a difference, but I
always err on the side of caution. 

Kathleen

> -------- Original Message --------
> Subject: Re: Grammar (again!)
> From: Deborah Hemstreet <dvora -at- tech-challenged -dot- com>
> Date: Wed, May 20, 2009 11:22 am
> To: Ed <hamonwry12 -at- hotmail -dot- com>
> Cc: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 
> 
> In the context, people know it's licensed out to others...
> 
> I am not free to rewrite the entire paragraph write now... I just want 
> to know, is "THAT ARE" needed?
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> Deborah
> 
> Ed wrote:
> > My .02:
> >
> > We licensed six of our technologies to other companies, which are currently
> > in various stages of development.
> >
> > I think it clarifies things a bit, and also turns to active voice. However,
> > I'm confused if the technologies are being developed by your company, or the
> > companies to which they're licensed.
> >
> > -=Ed.
> >
> >   
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: techwr-l-bounces+hamonwry12=hotmail -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> >> [mailto:techwr-l-bounces+hamonwry12=hotmail -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
> >> Behalf Of Deborah Hemstreet
> >> Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:53 AM
> >> To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> >> Subject: Grammar (again!)
> >>
> >> Hi All,
> >>
> >> When writing text for a brochure, which do you believe reads more
> >> smoothly:
> >>
> >> 1. We have licensed out six technologies that are in various stages of
> >> development...
> >>
> >> 2.  We have licensed out six technologies in various stages of
> >> development...
> >>
> >> Could you explain WHY you believe 1 or 2 is better than the other? I
> >> don't want to give my opnion, as I want as objective a response as
> >> possible.
> >>
> >> Thanks!
> >>
> >> Deborah
> >> http://www.tech-challenged.com
> >> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> >>
> >> 
> 
> 

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