Re: Need some opinions on phrasing

[Kathleen MacDowell <kathleen -at- writefortheuser -dot- com>]

A couple of weeks ago, a writer on another list recommended "The Global
English Style Guide" (ISBN 978-1-59994-657-3), which has a number of
recommendations relevant to your question. [The author is J.R. Kohl, a TW
and linguistic specialist at SAS. He explains very clearly the many pitfalls
of English that can lead to misunderstanding.]

The book is aimed at those who write content that will be translated, but it
also applies to making sure that content for native english speakers is
clear and unambiguous.

Kohl proposes that it's best to use the most typical word combinations;
otherwise the meaning can be difficult to translate or understand. Leonard
Porello seems to think that "or higher" is the more typical usage.

Kohl also recommends limiting sentences to around 20 words. If they contain
phrases, limit the number of phrases to two.

Personally, I agree with Kenneth's idea of laying out a matrix/table. If
nothing else, I often find it helps me clarify what I need to say.

And I heartily recommend Kohl's book.


Regards,

Kathleen
-- 
Kathleen MacDowell
www.writefortheuser.com
kathleen -at- writefortheuser -dot- com
kathleen -dot- eamd -at- gmail -dot- com


On Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 11:48 AM, Deborah Slutzky <
Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com> wrote:

> Hi All,
>
>
>
> I have two different statements below that mean the same thing. I prefer
> statement #1 because I do not like the use of "or higher" twice in the
> phrase, as shown in #2. Someone else here prefers the use of the words
> "or higher" over "a minimum of."
>
> I guess it's minor, but is there a preferred way to phrase this? If not,
> can I hear some opinions on which sentence sounds better?
>
>
>
> 1.      For AIX servers using Native MPIO, where AIX is a minimum of
> Version 5.3 with Technology Level 6 (TL6), select IBM AIX Native MPIO
> TL6+; otherwise, select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy.
>
>
>
> 2.      For AIX servers using Native MPIO, where AIX is Version 5.3 or
> higher with Technology Level 6 (TL6) or higher, select IBM AIX Native
> MPIO TL6+; otherwise, select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy.
>
>
>
> BTW, I hope I'm clear, if a user has AIX V5.4 with TL2, he would select
> IBM AIX Native MPIO TL6+. Striving for clarity, I removed what was there
> previously which was: "...where AIX is Version 5.3 with Technology Level
> 6 (TL6) or higher, select select IBM AIX Native MPIO TL6+; otherwise,
> select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy." I thought the user might think that
> version 5.3 was a requirement, but that the technology level had to be a
> minimum of 6, which is incorrect.
>
> Thank you!
>
> Deb Slutzky
> DataCore Software
> Sr. Technical Writer
> 954/377-6028
> Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com <mailto:Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com>
>
>
>
>
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