TechWhirl (TECHWR-L) is a resource for technical writing and technical communications professionals of all experience levels and in all industries to share their experiences and acquire information.
For two decades, technical communicators have turned to TechWhirl to ask and answer questions about the always-changing world of technical communications, such as tools, skills, career paths, methodologies, and emerging industries. The TechWhirl Archives and magazine, created for, by and about technical writers, offer a wealth of knowledge to everyone with an interest in any aspect of technical communications.
I'm voting with Kathleen. Adding the pronoun provides a second
independent clause and a very clear subject-verb-object construction.
Neither the comma nor "should" were necessarily wrong in the original
sentence -- I'm curious as to the credentials of the unnamed informant
who deems this "bad English." Gene's point is also well taken. In
regulatory documents, verbs such as "shall" and "may" have very precise
significance. If this is such a document, and if the correct word is
"shall," then that is the word you need to use.
Jim
-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+jim -dot- pinkham=voith -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+jim -dot- pinkham=voith -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Kathleen MacDowell
Sent: Tuesday, April 22, 2008 11:07 AM
To: technical writing plus
Cc: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Re: Repeat the verb?
I'd leave "..., and should" and add "it" "...." and it should
combine..."
Reasoning: there's a shift in verbs, "the bank should have" to "and (the
bank should") combine."
I'm not very good at explaining things grammatically, but when the
language is dense and there's a shift in content/verbs/etc., I usually
try to repeat if I can't do a rewrite. It just makes it easier to
understand.
Regards,
Kathleen
On Tue, Apr 22, 2008 at 11:25 AM, technical writing plus
<doc-x -at- earthlink -dot- net> wrote:
> Here is my opinion. Do away with the comma in the middle (, and
should..).
> As to the repeated 'should': I do not think that it is 'bad English'.
> In fact, sometimes it ought to be repeated.
>
> Here I'd say that your 'should' ought to be repeated. This repetition
> makes the sentence clearer.
>
> Jim Jones
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> ..Please note: a bulleted list is not permissible in this document.
> It's not the style. And, because the document is describing complex
> regulatory requirements and relationships, sentences tend to be dense
> and full. I rewrite the worst, and I consider this sentence to be
> borderline, but I'm going to leave it as is. There's too much else to
> do on the doc in the time I have.
>
> Having provided that context, I ask you this: if you had to
> incorporate the following sentence as is (and not break it into two
> sentences, or a bulleted list, or anything else that a reasonably
> talented tech writer would immediately do), which version would you
> use? And, please tell me if you would add or remove any punctuation:
>
> ---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and
> modification of all elements, and should combine these elements in a
> manner that most effectively enables it to quantify its exposure to
operational risk.
>
> ---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and
> modification of all elements, and combine these elements in a manner
> that most effectively enables it to quantify its exposure to
operational risk.
>
> I always want to repeat the modal auxiliary; it seems too hard to
> wade through the first long noun phrase and instantly remember that
> auxiliary when you hit the second base verb form. However, I have
> been informed that this type of repetition is "bad English."..
>
Create HTML or Microsoft Word content and convert to Help file formats
or printed documentation. Features include support for Windows Vista &
2007 Microsoft Office, team authoring, plus more. http://www.DocToHelp.com/TechwrlList
True single source, conditional content, PDF export, modular help.
Help & Manual is the most powerful authoring tool for technical
documentation. Boost your productivity! http://www.helpandmanual.com
---
You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as Jim -dot- Pinkham -at- voith -dot- com -dot-
Create HTML or Microsoft Word content and convert to Help file formats or
printed documentation. Features include support for Windows Vista & 2007
Microsoft Office, team authoring, plus more. http://www.DocToHelp.com/TechwrlList
True single source, conditional content, PDF export, modular help.
Help & Manual is the most powerful authoring tool for technical
documentation. Boost your productivity! http://www.helpandmanual.com
---
You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as archive -at- web -dot- techwr-l -dot- com -dot-
