Re: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice.

Subject: Re: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice.
From: Janice Gelb <janice -dot- gelb -at- sun -dot- com>
To: TECHWR-L <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com>
Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 22:40:42 +1000

Monica Cellio wrote:

In the text above, "users" is not referring to the reader,
it's referring to the reader's users.

Right. This is a case where we are addressing the reader (second person)
and talking about the reader's users. (I made up the specific example
on the fly, but this is the type of reader I'm writing for.) I wondered how people who prefer imperative styles would speak to the reader in that case without sounding stilted. You can write "it is recommended..." and "the users" instead of "we recommend..." and "your users", but that doesn't read as well to my eye.

As I noted previously, our style guide doesn't allow
first-person plural and we also suggest that writers
don't "recommend" and that they just tell the reader
what to do.

So, your proposed text:

"If most of your users are located in one facility, we
recommend using the standard client-server configuration.
If most of your users are in remote locations, or if
any have slow or unreliable network connections, we
instead recommend using the multi-server configuration
with the following modifications [...]."

in our style and (without second person either) would read:

"If most users are located in one facility, use
the standard client-server configuration. If most
users are in remote locations or have slow or
unreliable network connections, use the multiserver
configuration with the following modifications:"

On the greater question, while I agree that cultural
sensibilities should be taken into account, and our
style guide has plenty of recommendations on the subject,
I don't think that sensitivity should extend to making
the English more convoluted than necessary for Europeans.
Correcting writing that is difficult to understand for
non-native speakers is one thing, as that benefits all
readers. Changing writing that might not use an approach
comfortable for absolutely every reader is to me another
issue entirely. I don't think that possible Asian discomfort
with the use of "you" as too informal should necessarily
outweigh a desire to make technical writing more approachable
for non-Asian readers unless that is the primary audience.

Geoff Hart wrote:
>
> Provide your recommendation, but using wording that defines why you made
> that recommendation and specifies the conditions under which that
> recommendation is valid. For example: "The standard client-server
> configuration is most computationally efficient [safe? easy to
> administer? easy to understand?] when most users are located
> in a single facility."
>
> This avoids the problem of imperative voice (too abrupt or "imperial"
> <G>), eliminates the "you", is very concise, and gives your
> recommendation in a way that gives the reader tools to decide whether
> your logic matches theirs. If so, they'll follow it without actually
> being told to do so*. If not, the text that follows should provide other
> clues about alternatives and when those alternatives are appropriate.
> For example: "In contrast, when users are geographically dispersed, the
> WAN configuration is..."
>

This rewording works if the context is an explanation of
how to choose between two configurations. If the context
is how to set up your network depending on where your
users are located, the original order of the wording
makes more sense. I agree with providing reasons,
though.

-- Janice
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Follow-Ups:

References:
re: you or he/it: From: Sean Hower
Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice. (was: Re: you or he/it): From: Geoff Hart
Re: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice. (was: Re: you or he/it): From: Monica Cellio
Re: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice.: From: Janice Gelb
Re: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice.: From: Monica Cellio

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