RE: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice. (was: Re: you or he/it)

["Diana Ost" <Diana -dot- Ost -at- msmcorp -dot- com>]

How about this for a rewrite? I would normally put this in an If..Then
table, side by side, but you get the idea. It is still present tense and
active voice.

If system configuration is for mostly...

- One centralized facility  

Then the recommendation is to...

- Use the client-server configuration

If system configuration is for...

- Several remote facilities

Then the recommendation is to...
- Use the client server configuration with:
   - modification one
   - modification two


My company prefers not to use "you" or "we" in policies and in most
procedures. It is what they are used to, so I get to be creative. :-)
Mostly I use the imperative voice in instructions (Click this...), but I
am not currently doing work that will be translated for Pacific Rim
countries, such as Japan. I have in the past, however, and believe the
postings here are very accurate about writing and translating for a
Japanese audience. 

Diana Ost
Technical Writer/Reporting Analyst
Production Administration
Market Street Mortgage Corporation
diana -dot- ost -at- msmcorp -dot- com
Phone (727) 431-7209
Fax     (727) 724-9096
2650 McCormick Drive, Suite 200
Clearwater, Florida  33759
 
 
 
 

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-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+diana -dot- ost=msmcorp -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+diana -dot- ost=msmcorp -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Monica Cellio
Sent: Thursday, June 22, 2006 10:13 PM
To: TECHWR-L
Subject: Re: Dropping the you? The Asian response to imperative voice.
(was: Re: you or he/it)

> Sean Hower noted: <<no one has suggested that you could simply adopt a

> style that uses neither you nor the user. That would eliminate this 
> entire discussion. For example: You can use the color picker to set 
> the background of your pages. can be rewritten as Use the color picker

> to set the background color for pages.>>

The imperative can work well for direct, procedural material.  I'm
having trouble imagining how it would work when writing more open-ended
documentation, such as when giving advice about the alternatives
available to the reader.  How would you rewrite something like this (in
a sys-admin or programming manual)?  "If most of your users are located
in one facility, we recommend using the standard client-server
configuration.  If most of your users are in remote locations, or if any
have slow or unreliable network connections, we instead recommend using
the multi-server configuration with the following modifications [...]."

I generally find the second person to be the least-awkward approach,
even when writing for translation.  But I also take to heart the
comments about negative feedback being hard to get; thanks for the tip.

Monica Cellio
Senior SDK Developer
I don't represent my company (which is why I don't name it).

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