TechWhirl (TECHWR-L) is a resource for technical writing and technical communications professionals of all experience levels and in all industries to share their experiences and acquire information.
For two decades, technical communicators have turned to TechWhirl to ask and answer questions about the always-changing world of technical communications, such as tools, skills, career paths, methodologies, and emerging industries. The TechWhirl Archives and magazine, created for, by and about technical writers, offer a wealth of knowledge to everyone with an interest in any aspect of technical communications.
How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
472, one to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write
WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle.....
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
"We've formed a task force to study the problem and why light bulbs burn
out, and figure out what, exactly, we, as supervisors, can do to make the
bulbs work smarter, not harder."
How many tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
"We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working
fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay, now exactly how
dark is it? Okay, there could be four or five things wrong - have you tried
the switch?"
How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, two to hold the ladder and one to screw the bulb into the tap.
How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2
for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, Bill Gates will just redefine MSDarkness(TM) as the new industry
standard.
How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb?
7, one to change the bulb and six to design the T - Shirt.
How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the light bulb will be obsolete in six months anyway.
How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?
None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
We just noticed that it was dark, we don't actually fix the problem.
How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
"The light bulb works fine on the system in my office."
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
"You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object
would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd
have to do is send a light bulb change message."
How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
"We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days; if you call before two pm
and pay an extra $15 we can get the light bulb changed overnight. Don't
forget to put your name on the upper right hand corner of the light bulb
box."
How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old
bulb.
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
9, one to climb the ladder and change it and eight to stand around grumbling
"that should be me up there"
None, that's a crew member's job.
How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or visa
versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the
room, it's all relative.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with
brightly colored machine tools.
How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation
specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.
How many IBM technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages
state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the
definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank
characters separated by blanks.''
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There never was any light bulb.
How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete
pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week.
Meanwhile...
How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000
How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
one.
How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.
How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb
Three: One to write the light bulb removal program,
One to write the light bulb insertion program, and
One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else
tries to change the bulb at the same time.
How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on
payment of license fee.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do
with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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