Re: I like mine better, but I don't know why.

["Jo Baer" <jbaer -at- tcfbank -dot- com>]

Hmm. I was thinking that the bullets referred to "benefits" rather than "it" (the
new process). In that vein, I would rewrite the bullets as
- Improved adherence to corporate yada yadas
- Increased sales ...
- Improved margins ...

However, when there's a tussle over something that seems quite minor, such as
whether or not there should be an s at the end of a word, I often find that my
original sentence or paragraph could be rewritten in a way that avoids the original
issue altogether. When I broaden my focus to do this, I often find that the end
result is much clearer, more economical, more elegant--whatever we are striving
for--than the original. Everybody wins.

Jo

Jo Baer
Senior Technical Writer
TCF National Bank
Minneapolis, Minnesota
jbaer -at-  -dot- tcfbank -dot- com


The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

                       Nicol Williamson



Nora Merhar wrote:

> John,
>
> Technically, she's right. The way the sentences would read if they were
> complete would be
>
> --It (the new process) improves adherence...
> --It automates workflow...
>
> And so forth. You need a plural subject to structure it the way you want to
> (these new process improve adherence...).
>
> But Keith's suggestion was a good one.
>
> Nora


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