It's Your Call: Which E-mail Disclaimer is Best? (LONG)

["Robert B. Kennedy" <textexcellence -at- yahoo -dot- com>]

Hi Whirlers,

I was recently asked to edit a lengthy
e-mail disclaimer for a client of mine.
The manager's intent was to reduce the
word count substantially -- which is
what I did, reducing it from 113 to 
71 words.

Yet corporate counsel says the edited
version "reads poorly." While choppy,
I think the edited version will be
READ MORE OFTEN and therefore is a
better read than the original.

What do you think? 

Original:

The contents of this e-mail and any attached documents 
contain information that may be confidential.  Unless 
you are the named addressee (or authorized to receive 
for the named addressee) you may not read, copy, 
distribute, disclose or otherwise use this information 
for any purpose.  If you have received this transmission 
in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply 
e-mail and then delete this message from your system.  
While we make every effort to keep our network free from
viruses, you do need to check this e-mail and any attachments 
to it for viruses as we can take no responsibility for any 
computer virus which might be transferred by way of this e-mail.

Edited Version:

This e-mail (and any attachments) may be confidential.  
Unless you?re the addressee (or you are authorized to 
receive for addressee) you may not read, copy, distribute, 
disclose or otherwise use this information.  If you?re not 
the intended recipient, please send this back to sender, 
then delete this e-mail. We protect ourselves against 
viruses, nonetheless, this e-mail (and any attachments), 
should be checked for viruses. We take no responsibility 
for viruses sent via e-mail.




=====
Robert B. Kennedy, Technical Writer
TEXT EXCELLENCE, INC.
Trenton Business & Technology Center
306 South Broad St.
Trenton, NJ 08608
TEL: 609-989-5999
robert -dot- kennedy -at- textexcellence -dot- com

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