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How about: "Remove the mailboxes of the selected subscriber before removing
the subscriber"? Why does the reader need to be told why the subscriber
can't be removed? Wouldn't that be obvious? Isn't the reader in this case
simply trying to remove a subscriber and his/her mailbox?
It just seems to me that the problem is in the telling--the action to be
completed is removal, and should be the main focus of the instruction.
Pam Hurley
----- Original Message -----
From: @í <sdeichmann -at- voicemobility -dot- com>
Newsgroups: techwr-l
To: TECHWR-L <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2000 2:01 PM
Subject: Wording without he/she
> The following is a message that pops up on the screen when a user tries to
> remove a subscriber with dependent mailboxes:
>
> "The subscriber you have selected cannot be removed because he/she has
> dependent mailboxes. Please remove these mailboxes before removing the
> subscriber."
>
> I would like to reword the statement so that he/she is not used, but I'm
> having trouble. Please note that I'm not looking at this as a he/she issue
> (and how to handle it). Instead, I want to eliminate the use of pronouns
> entirely, without sounding repetitive. For example:
>
> "The subscriber you have selected cannot be removed because the subsriber
> has dependent mailboxes. Please remove these mailboxes before removing the
> subscriber."
>
> This statement uses 'the subscriber' too many times.
>
> One idea I had was to use:
>
> "The subscriber you have selected has dependent mailboxes and cannot be
> removed. Please remove these mailboxes before removing the subscriber."
>
> However I don't think this statement is as clear as the first one.
>
> Any suggestions?
>
> Thanks,
> Sue Deichmann
>
>
>
>
>
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